Journey of Faith

broken heart

2008-09-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

although i started the day really bad by being late, God never fails to speak to my heart at moments as such.

I'm truly thankful for Janice Chung, being our teacher today for:
1) How to connect with pre-believers
2) How to witness as a way of life

She is one lady, whom I know the Lord's hands are upon her when she teached and shared. Beyond the content of the lesson, the presence of the Lord was upon the place and the Holy Spirit was moving amongst the SOLEAD-ers.

My heart was shattered in the midst of hearing and learning God's words and once again, hearing His heart beat. The cross, does indeed reflect our state.

Proverbs 24:11-12 (New Living Translation)

11 Rescue those who are unjustly sentenced to die;
save them as they stagger to their death.
12 Don’t excuse yourself by saying, “Look, we didn’t know.”
For God understands all hearts, and he sees you.
He who guards your soul knows you knew.
He will repay all people as their actions deserve.

Once again, God's heart pumps when He sees the world filled with lost, pre-believers. And the sad fact is, they are eternally seperated from God. Not when they die, but as of now.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only beloved Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

So just as people who have received Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour and thus gained eternal life as of now, the converse is true.

For whoever does not believes in Him shall perish and would be eternally seperated from God. (in my own words)

The is the cold hard truth.

My heart shattered as I compared my heart for the lost with Jesus' heart. I love God, i really do. But i lost this heart of His for the past few weeks when I was assimilating.. allowing the pressures of life to set in. not englufed but still.. I was shattered that I allow myself to lost focus.

If some of you have read the previous post, my missionary friend eugene once said " if you think that temporal seperation with the kids is painful, let me tell you what is more painful. That is the eternal seperation when you allow the message of the gospel to slip through their hands!"

eternal.. seperation.

Pause with me for a second. Allow the word to sink in. With out finite minds.. can we imagine eternally...?

Quoted from John Bevere's- Driven by Eternity

" The truth is that eternity cannot be mentally comprehended. Our minds are finite, prohibited from grasping perpetual or ever-lasting concepts. Allow me to illustrate. Take a moment and imagine where the end of the universe is. Think of its outer limits. If you can, then what do you find at the external boundary? A wall? What is it made of? .."

No one can begin to understand eternity Job 36:26

However, what is in truth declared unreachable in our natural mind is placed in our hearts by the Creator. Eternity is known in our heart. This is why " the fool has said in his HEART, 'there is no God' " (Psalms 14:1)and scriptures doesn't write "The fool has said in his mind".

There are many atheists who emphatically deny the existence of God, but in their hearts they know He exits, for it is planted there. They've not yet hardened their heart to a complete degenerated state.

" He has put eternity in their hearts" Ecclesiastes 3:11

So believers, I pray that we would start to first see the urgency to share of our faith to the many who are still searching, still lost and still eternally seperated.

Dont be discourage if you feel that at first it is out of duty,compulsion, obligation or even a job ( the extrinsic stuff) because I sincerely believe that as you go about proclaiming your faith to the people around you, God will do a deep work in your life and extrinsic stuff doesnt matter as long as it is a mean and not as an end. As long as the end it is the intrinsic motivation ( delight, compassion, obedience, joy) it is okay.

Secondly, as you pray and share, especially for people with pre-believing family members, dont give up. Keep on believing. God has placed eternity in their hearts.

AS you pray, you would believe.
As you believe, you would love.
As you love, you will serve. - Mother Teresa

During the session, i cannot help but kept tearing. Once again, I have the privilege to see through God's eye for the lost. I really dont deserve it but God has graciously allowed me to. I just felt like going to a corner of the room to brawl and tell God how sorry I am for being inward looking for the past 2 weeks or so. But well, got to rush to another place to learn of the WYS and Satisfied booklet. Talking about the pressures of life =) But, I thank God that He has realigned this child of His, Yvonne Koh, once again.

You Are of Worth

2008-09-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

today was just a session of catching up with charissa (cg mate) and i particularly liked this part of the sharing on what does the cross symbolize? She heard this sermon audio from Pastor Benny Ho and point 4 of the sermon was that the cross reflects our worth.

Let's say you want to sell your house at 300,000 but the best price that you can get out of all the buyers would be $200,000. SO how much is your house worth? $300,000? nope, it would be $200,000, the price that others are willing to pay for your house.

Similarly, your worth is not dependent on what we think ( whether do we overrate ourselves or whether we think we are inferior), but would be dependent on what is the price that others would be willing to pay for you. Upon saying that, please dont be mistaken that I am saying that you should anchor your self-worth upon the opinions of other or achievements etc. But the point that I'm driving at is that the person who TRULY DETERMINES our worth is God.

Although over-used, but if you truly see the heart of John 3:16, it would cause a drastic pradigm shift.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY BELOVED SON(Jesus CHrist), that whoever believes in HIm shall not perish but have eternal life.

Jesus died on the cross for you and me. That's the price He paid for you and me.

Just pause for a second.

He died for you.

Yes, you.

Willingly lay down His life for you. (John 10:17-18)

Will you come to Him today, again?

He longs to have you in His embrace.

God bless you who are reading. I pray that you will continue in this journey of life, knowing that when everything seems to be against you, you can be sure God loves you. Just as you are.

Yvonne's is joining Singapore Campus Crusade for Christ (SCCC)

2008-09-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! I'm officially going to be with Singapore Campus Crusasde for Christ on 8th September 2008. I'm joining them as a stinter for 1 year ( or even more, as the Lord leads). I decided to put up this post because I need to raise prayer support and financial support for my monthly needs. I understand that not everyone understands this support raising concept, so feel free to call/msg me (hp:81614626) or email me at jesusandyvonne@gmail.com if you have any queries or if you have decided to support me in prayers or financially or both =)

Firstly, What is SCCC?
Singapore Campus Crusade for Christ is part of a worldwide, inter-denominational ministry committed to helping take the gospel of Jesus Christ to all nations.
We partner with millions of Christians from churches of many denominations and hundreds of other Christian organizations around the world, to help Christians grow in their faith and share the gospel message with their fellow countrymen.

For more information on SCCC's mission, vision and purpose:
http://www.sccc.sg/about-us/our-mission-vision.html

What ministry is Yvonne joining?
SCCC has many ministry but I am joining the Campus Ministry. Currently, I have been assigned to Ngee Ann Polytechnic (tertiary).

What pumps Yvonne's heart?
God and his people, therefore, I was really drawn to the SCCC's vision " So that everyone knows someone who truly follows Jesus"

Next, I would like to post my journey on how God led me into joining Singapore Campus Crusade for Christ (SCCC)
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It has always been my desire to reach out and disciple the youths. This is evident in the choices of course I made for my university applications, such as social work, economics (being a JC teacher) and NIE. I chose these courses because I figured out that these are the few platforms in which I can come into a direct contact with the youths. So in the midst of imparting knowledge (education) to them, I would be able to build a relationship with them and hoped to be able to share Christ or disciple them, like a marketplace minister.

However, things did not work out in that manner. Time and again, the universities have rejected me even though people with worse grades are getting in. So the breaking point was when my cell group leader told me that she felt that God has closed doors for a good reason. That woke me up. All my life, I felt that going into the university is so.. natural and that God would want me to go that way too, doesn’t he? Thus, she asked me to look deep within myself and see what stirs up my heart most- that could just be the thing that God is leading me to. This happened 3 days before the Gen12ii Wave2 trip to Petchabun.

5 days before the trip, when I received all the rejection letters, I wailed to God and tell him “ I know you are Sovereign Lord, but God please lead me in a more obvious way.” The idea of full-time came to mind but this was what I told the Lord “ Lord, If I were to go into your ministry now, people will think that it is because I cannot make the cut to the universities, that is why I chose it. And God, that’s not true! You are not secondary in my life!” I'm a person who dislikes people to doubt my intentions. Things that are unto God, as much as possible, must not have gray regions. After this, I wrote in my diary " Yvonne does not need to please men, all she needs to do is to seek to please God/Jesus/Holy Spirit."

With all these, I pray for a sensitive and focused heart to fix my eyes on Jesus and went on the trip with Radion to Petchabun. During one of the worship session during the early part of the mission trip, God spoke to me. He asked me, " Yvonne, remember you said all you need to do is to please me? So if I call you into full-time ministry, you do not need to care about what people think of you." With that.. I asked God, " Okay. God you know im at the crossroads of my life. What do you want me to do? Going full-time is serious business (means telling and getting approval from my mum, and that's terrifying enough), so, if you want me to go into full-time, let my university appeal get through and I will reject it and go into full-time.”

So with this, I came back to Singapore, knowing that God has reminded me of a dream that I once had, that is to be a missionary. I had this dream a long time back when I was young. To my surprise, written in my 2007 journal, was this: “ Most importantly, I want to place God first. Enough time has been spent to dishonor God. It is time to rise up for Him. Eventually I hope to end up as a full-time missionary for Christ. Hopefully what I am going to do in-between now till then would cultivate me. It’s an unusual path, but I’m willing to give it a shot if it’s God ordained. What’s up next sir?”

Soon, the universities letter came and I was rejected. Then I cried out to God, “ you spoke to me so clearly and yet why the rejection? Does this mean that I shouldn’t go into full-time ministry? But I’m so clear you wanted me to go during this season of my life! ” It was a tough time but I just kept on praying.

After some time, the answer to my question came. “There is a price to pay when following Jesus- but it is not a price of sacrifice but a price of obedience.” I have pass one stage, which is to be willing lay down everything, my will and desire and to follow His way. But pride was still in the way and God knew it has to go if I want to truly follow Him. I wanted God to give me something to “vindicate” me, to show that I can make it to a university. The Lord is still working through me and sifting out the unnecessary and I still need to consciously break off from the world-view and focus on His kingdom. I have to be obedient.

Therefore, for the whole month of June and July, I’ve been praying and seeking God to give me directions. Secretly, I was truly drawn to serve in Thailand (really so drawn to the people there, I miss them very much) and the ministry over there has also allowed me to and they are just waiting for me to make a decision. Yet at the same time, I was concern whether is it my will or the Lord’s will to go over to Thailand- I didn’t want to walk ahead of Him. I was battling within myself to make sure a keep in the equilibrium of being every-ready to go in obedience wherever the Lord leads.

So one day while I was having lunch on my own I realized I was savoring the food slowly. It is surprising because I have this habit of “gobbling up” the food. As I ate my food, God drew a parallel for me that made me fear. I was reminded of a time when I was running a long distance race. I was an athlete in my JC days and I remembered that I started the race too fast. My pace was way beyond what I could sustain for a long distance and in the end; I finished the race 2nd last. What terrifies me is that I could still remember vividly the feelings that I have experienced. The feeling of knowing that I did not run the race till the best of my ability and the feeling that my legs have reached its maximum capacity because of the bad pacing. Then the Holy Spirit brought to me a passage, Matthew 24:13 “but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.” The Holy Spirit reminded me that I need to pace myself well and to be equipped with the Armour of God to put up a good fight, to finish the race and to keep my faith in Christ Jesus. It was then I realized that they Lord wants me to savor this moment together with Him, to walk together with at His pace. It was then that I knew that the option to Thailand is out. I fear not being able to sustain till the end. I fear the Lord.

However the next step wasn’t laid out clearly. I knew deep within me that this is time that is to be doing something that allows me to be rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as I was taught, and overflowing with thankfulness (col 2:6-7). When I was doing some reading, I stumbled upon the verse Isaiah 50:10-11. Extracted from the article: Sometimes God simply wants you to step ahead in darkness by faith, relying on His faithful character. Darkness here isn't sin but simply a lack of knowledge.

Isaiah 50:10-11
10 Who among you fears the LORD
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.

11 But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.

Reminded that the Lord is teaching me to be obedient, I decided to step out in faith, into the darkness trusting that He will guide me. Through a meeting with Mimi, made possible by my church mate Jacob, I learnt about stint in Campus Crusade and was very interested. I committed it to the Lord and found peace in the decision made to join Campus Crusade. I told God that I truly want to honor both Him and my mother. Therefore I prayed for Him to make a way. True enough, before I even approached my mother to tell of her my decision, she confronted me and gave me the permission of two years to do God’s work. This to me was a confirmation by God, knowing that His hand is guiding and paving the way for me.

Soon, a word came from God. Psalms 37:4 says “4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” It was then I realized that God has not shortchanged me at all! All along, it was my desire to reach out to the youths of age ranging from 17 onwards, and this ministry that I stepped into by faith is working exactly with this age range. Although I didn’t realize the desires of my heart through the way I thought it would be, God has allowed me to still have it and in an even better way! My focus would be fully on building up the students, unlike being a teacher when they are bogged down with much administrative work and there is a certain sensitivity to be adhered to. Apart from that, I remembered one cell group meeting that we discussed what would we like to be remembered as, and my answer was “ a woman after God’s own heart.” Together with that, one sermon that was preached in 10th February 2008 came back to me. It was titled “ Real men goes to Church” The sermon, in a gist, expounds on Psalms 37. What caught me during the sermon was this point: A man after God’s own heart will always think of the advancement of the kingdom of God. When it is all pieced together, I am assured that I am walking in the way of the Lord. In fact, I’m pleasantly surprised at His goodness. Indeed His goodness, no one can recount!

Not only that, the Lord has also blessed me with the learning of what it truly means to have a shepherd’s heart. It was preached on the Sunday that I made the decision. I am very assured of this path because I have prayed through this whole journey ever since May. With that, I am very sure that this is the route that God has called me to in this season of my life- into serving Him and His people in Campus Crusade, Campus ministry. I’m excited to walk this journey with God and His church.
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That's the end of this blog post. Do contact me if you would like o know more about it. Thanks for taking the time to read and hope it blesses your heart. Just want to leave you guys a note: God loves you and has never left you alon for one second in your life.

How I became a Christian and a summary of my walk with God

2008-07-31T10:26:00.000-07:00

When I accepted Jesus Christ into my life

My journey started when I was enrolled into St Hilda’s Secondary School, which was an Anglican school. It wasn’t the school of my choice but God had it all planned. I was exposed to Christianity through the daily morning devotions. Initially, I was irritated with all the worship and devotions. On top of that I chose to join the Girls’ Brigade (GB) instead of the other uniform groups. In GB, I got to know God a little bit more. Soon, I hit the nadir of my life. Things at home where really stretching me to my maximum and at the back of my mind; I will remember the song “ Jesus loves me.” I became a Christian when I was in Secondary 2 (14 years old, 2002). I accepted Jesus into my life through a professor teaching in Temasek Polytechnic (TP). Back then I was attached to TP for a hydroponics course for duration of one month (June Holidays). At that point of time, I have already started to search for meaning of life due to the circumstances at home (the circumstances have been there since I’m around 10 years old). I do not understand the things that I was going through everyday. “ There has to be more to all these things in life,” I told myself. At the last day of my attachment, the professor asked me whether would I like to receive Jesus into my life. And I did because I saw how the professor showered care and concern and listened intently to his testimony throughout the 1-month. Seeing him makes me think, “ There is something about this God.” I believe God has already prepared my heart to receive Him that very day.

Immediate life after accepting Jesus (2002-2004)

After accepting Jesus, life took a change. Everything doesn’t seem so pointless anymore. Firstly, I knew there is someone who truly loves me, that is –Jesus, because He being fully human and fully God came and died for me. I knew Jesus as a Saviour. A true Saviour who humbled himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross just to save me. He started working in my heart and there was a slight change in attitude and mindset. However, I believe I didn’t have full understanding of salvation. I have viewed Jesus Christ as Saviour but never as Lord. Thus the result of it is shown in Matthew 13:20-21, which is the seed that fell on rocky places. I wasn’t deeply rooted in Him.

Even though I have often cheapen His grace (on hindsight), He is always faithful and often reminded me through the still small voice (which I discovered later on as the Holy Spirit’s prompting) “ Yvonne, there has to be more. I am definitely more than all these. Seek me.” I was really young and I wasn’t able to see that I need to be rooted in the word of God. My foundations were really weak with not much knowledge and guidance. This resulted in more of a behavioral transformation than a heart transformation. God has more to deal with me, which was soon revealed to me in my JC days.

Intermediate phase with Jesus (2005-2006)

Thus I went on to Junior College (JC, 2005) and that was a period where I truly backslid. Glorifying God is no longer my priority. I have lost my focus. I allowed the pressures of the world overtake His position and I became the third seed being spoken in Matthew 13:22, the seed that fell among the thorns. Although I was living in darkness during JC, I could still hear the voice prompting me to return to the Lord. However I was clueless as to how to go about seeking Him until I read the book (2005) “ And the Angels were silent” by Max Lucado. I remembered I read this outside the lecture hall in J2 and this sentence brought me down on my knees and back to God- “ Legions of angels were at the dispense of Jesus, but He did not give up because He loves us and death on the cross is required to redeem us” I cried upon reading it as the Holy Spirit stirred up my heart. I recalled the goodness of God in my life and despised myself for treating Jesus shabbily. From then on, step-by-step, I seek God slowly and God slowly revealed more of Him to me as He promised to those who seek Him, He would be found.

Recent years with Jesus (2007, 2008)

2007
In the year 2007, after graduating from Innova Junior College (IJC) I started dwelling in His words by reading up the bible as much as I could understand and reading Christians books, which aids me in my understanding of certain truths in the bible. I started growing even more in the year 2007 when I was hit by the fact that I cannot enter into university. Upset as I was, I recognized God’s hands in the whole situation and committed my future in His hands. In fact, I think this circumstance is what I’ve been praying for, to grow in Him and to have a heart after His own. Just that it didn’t came as I have expected, it came in the form of trying times. It was a period of trusting Him knowing that He is faithful. The word of God is no longer just contained in the bible but engraved upon my heart. It’s no longer head knowledge but heart knowledge. Jeremiah 29:11 came alive as I held onto God daily. The process of breaking is painful, but necessary for growth. I was placed in circumstances to learn how to deny myself and despite all ambiguity to continue to fix my eyes on the cross, pick up my cross and follow Him daily..

Excerpts from my journals for the year 2007“ Still trying to cope with failure (deemed by the world) and striving hard to fight the battle within myself. Willpower is important- knowing HIS WILL, knowing HIS POWER. Felt kind of left out when the friends around me are moving on and here I am, stuck nowhere. God please help me.”

“As I fast, Lord I know I’m not a good living testimony of your name. I feel that the journey is tough. At times I feel like giving up, but no. The revelation of your love stirs me even as my physical body weakens, I know I can rely on you”

“ Most importantly, I want to place God first. Enough time has been spent to dishonor God. It is time to rise up for Him. Eventually I hope to end up as a full-time missionary for Christ. Hopefully what I am going to do in-between now till then would cultivate me. It’s an unusual path, but I’m willing to give it a shot if it’s God ordained. What’s up next sir?”

As the year 2007 ended, I remembered myself in the countdown party held by my church, hearing the pastor saying “ Give 1 thanksgiving to God for this is a year of victory!” I told God “ Lord, I don’t feel very victorious but I know that you have planted seeds in my life that will bring forth future victories. For that Lord, I give you thanks for everything.”

2008
In the year 2008, I took up full-time tuition as a career as I waited for the 2nd A levels results (I retook my A levels in 2007). I took tuitions because I wanted to spend more time on hearing, reading, memorizing, studying, and meditating on the Word of God. This is because my church launched the year 2008 as the year of Sabbath of which the first component was intimacy with God and I felt the first thing is to read His word. I started the year with the book “ FREE” by Neil Anderson.

In January this was what I wrote:“ Thank God for the luxury of time to dwell immensely in His word that evokes thoughts to challenge my thinking and even allowing me to see God in a different perspective. For now, more or less, I’m not struggling as to whether do I want to follow Jesus but more of on a journey to discover how can I follow him. This process seems to be conditioning my heart and my soul. It consciously aligns whatever I am/have and to yield to Him.”- 15/1/08

“ For the 3-4 years of my life, I’ve been on the [claim holiness and overlooking reality of sin] phase. For the next 2 years, I am in the [I need to work work work] phase. But somehow, God has been really good to me because deep in my heart, somewhere keeps bugging me to “ search more” which eventually leads me to this point of life that He shows me what truly matters in His eyes.”

To pen down everything in my walk would be really long. But to sum up for the year 2008 (up to this point), God has slowly showed me what is it truly mean to be a Christian. Through His words, I realized simple truths that have been missed out and that I have often heard the results of following Jesus (secondary effect) but not the primary truths that builds the foundation. Most of them sound very simple, but to get it ingrained, it really is God’s grace as He gives the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that I can know Him better. I believe these lessons are just a big outlook on some important truths, and that it will be “drilled” into my in the years to come.

Some truths that transited from head to heart knowledge in year 2008:

1)The foundation of my faith is in the cross
a.“ I do not need to please man but I only need to please God and all things will fall in place.”

2)Jesus is the only way to salvation and eternal life
a.I cannot earn my salvation (and in the midst learnt about the nature of God- law vs. grace)

3)From seeing Jesus as Savior to seeing Jesus as Lord
a.What makes me a Christian is that I hand full ownership of my life to God.

4)Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

5)Trust and obedience to God and His word.

6)The Holy Spirit

7)God’s grace and the Holy Spirit empower me to resist temptations and face up to trials.

8)Understanding eternity (based on the bible and the book by John Bever driven by eternity)

9)Currently exploring on the topic of holiness based on Hebrews 12:14

Anything other God's dream is a NIGHTMARE

2008-07-21T04:16:00.000-07:00

During the conference on Friday, I had the opportunity to see Joseph in a light that I've never seen before!

Why is it that the bible always writes, the God of Abraham, the God of Issace and the God of Jacob and yet not the God of Joseph?

Let's start by examining the Abrahamic Covenant found in Genesis 12:1-3

The Call of Abram

1 The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.
2 "I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.

3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."

So I was thinking, hmm.. Joseph did a great job isnt it? I mean he was given wisdom and power to interprete the Pharoah's dreams and come to know that after seven years of abundance will be followed by seven years of famine. He was even able to lead the people to "maximise:" their grain growth as shown in the cartoon that i watch about Joseph! What a great man is he! the mr cool who can do things like telling people what their dreams are about.but well.. apparently things are not what it seems to be.

The speaker went on to illustrate with a tree. The exact details, i cannot really remember ( im so regretfulthat I didn't copy it down or something) but anyway, the speaker illustrated that Joesph had deviated from God's dream ( gen 12:1-3) by adopting the wrong view.He adopted the worldview.

world's view VS God's kingdom view

What happened was when the famine struck, Joseph actually SOLD the grain to the Egpytians. Up to this oint, I have yet to catch what the speaker is trying to illustrate. Then he continued. after the Egpytians have no more money, Joseph took their livestock. When the Egyptians have no more livestock, Joseph took their land and made them as slaves. Not convinced of it? Let me show you the verses.

Genesis 41:56 Joseph taking that people's money

56 When the famine had spread over the whole country, Joseph opened the storehouses and sold grain to the Egyptians, for the famine was severe throughout Egypt.

Genesis 47:16-17 Joseph taking the people's livestock

16 "Then bring your livestock," said Joseph. "I will sell you food in exchange for your livestock, since your money is gone." 17 So they brought their livestock to Joseph, and he gave them food in exchange for their horses, their sheep and goats, their cattle and donkeys. And he brought them through that year with food in exchange for all their livestock

Genesis 47:19 Joseph taking the people's land and made them slaves

19 Why should we perish before your eyes—we and our land as well? Buy us and our land in exchange for food, and we with our land will be in bondage to Pharaoh. Give us seed so that we may live and not die, and that the land may not become desolate."

The fact here is this: the grains are actually the people's grain. So why on earth are they eevntually selling themselves as slaves to get back the grain that actually belongs to them? seems to me that they are being oppressed. And I'm sure God felt that way too, because Joseph have taken the worldview at that point of time, that is, when is a country considered strong? It is when your king is the richest.Not convinced? Let's look into the bible again.

Genesis 47:14 Joseph succumbing to the worldview of that era

14 Joseph collected all the money that was to be found in Egypt and Canaan in payment for the grain they were buying, and he brought it to Pharaoh's palace.

So "what's wrong with Joseph" we may scream.The wrong comes in when we deviate from God's kingdom view! God clearly stated in Genesis 13:3 that ALL the people will be blessed! But Joseph did not take the step to bless them. he was given all authority, but he did not choose to bless them. Not convinced? Let's go to Genesis 41:55.

Genesis 41:55 Joseph is able to make the choice to bless all people

55 When all Egypt began to feel the famine, the people cried to Pharaoh for food. Then Pharaoh told all the Egyptians, "Go to Joseph and do what he tells you."

Instead, Joseph only chose to bless His family only. What parochial view! again let's look for biblical references.

Genesis 47:1-5

1 Joseph went and told Pharaoh, "My father and brothers, with their flocks and herds and everything they own, have come from the land of Canaan and are now in Goshen." 2 He chose five of his brothers and presented them before Pharaoh.

3 Pharaoh asked the brothers, "What is your occupation?"
"Your servants are shepherds," they replied to Pharaoh, "just as our fathers were." 4 They also said to him, "We have come to live here awhile, because the famine is severe in Canaan and your servants' flocks have no pasture. So now, please let your servants settle in Goshen."

5 Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Your father and your brothers have come to you,

After hearing from the speaker, the above is actually a result of my disbelief. I went home and re-read the whole part in genesis about Joseph and to my horror, it is indeed true. I have read it a few times, but have never had this insight.

So the question is people, do you want to embrace God's dream or settle for a nightmare? Infact, anything other than God's dream for each of us is a nightmare. Will you choose the way of the Lord today?

GoForth conference!

2008-07-21T03:58:00.000-07:00

last friday and saturday evening, i went for this GoForth conference. Amazing. To be honest, I think I'm a "cai niao" newbie in such christians conference/event/organisation etc. Thank God that He has placed wonderful people with experience and knowledge ( and a heart to guide me) such as Li-en and Sarah around me to inform me of this conference.

It is interesting how i responded to all 3 altar calls, 2 in the conference and 1 in church when I'm usually quite skeptical about reponding to it. The reason being that I wonder how many of us truly mean it when we go out. "before our knees kneel, let our heart kneel befor the Lord first" as said by NJB. I suppose that illustrates what im trying to say. More than just the outward manifestation of repentance, let it come from the heart of a true believer of Jesus Christ.

First call: Who wants to follow Jesus, even if it costs you everything?
Second call: Who CHOOSES to do the way of the Lord.
Third call: To go into wherever we are be the "marketplace" minister.

Again, I lay my life completely at the foot of the cross. I'm sure this is a choice I will never regret =)

This conference encouraged me alot by allowing me to see what the body of Christ is doing out there. It's like a big blueprint of Asia. GoForth is a call to the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ in Singapore to bring glory to God by completing the work that He has given us to do- fulfilling of the Great Commission.

I know i will be a missionary as told by God. Now its just Yvonne training up to be faithful to His call. Not to be sent now but to be sent in the future. Where? I dont know, however, I am not worried too. A dream placed forth by God will never die out if I deny myself, pick up my cross and follow Him daily. Excited!

I once told a friend that my mum must be thinking that I'm joking about certain things I have told her about God. But she (my mum) has yet to realised that Jesus is the most serious thing I have ever stood for.

Talking about that, I'm meeting wan ting (CG leader) and talk to her about joining STINT. =) After which, I will step out and tell my family. It is time. Pray it and do it.

my thoughts

2008-07-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

right now, i would have a few options laid out in front of me:

1) Join SCCC Solead (STINT)
2) Join Radion
3) Take a diploma in NIE
4) Be a full-time relief teacher in my uncle's school and he would write me an appraisal for my university application.

as of now, I'm very keen in joining STINT. say 65%? Recently I had a talk with pastor lily and it really made me think that I would face great challenges ahead if I were to tell her that I want to join STINT. Apart from that, I would have to face the pressure from my family too. one big word flashes in front of me.

D-A-U-N-T-I-N-G

being me, i would like to have a win-win situation.i would like to minimize the ripple effect that i would face from church and join STINT at the same time. this would greatly help me to have more energy to face the challenges from my family. my mind is kind of preoccupied with thoughts to even focus properly.

Lord, help.
let me not lose focus.
and to know that in all things,
You will work it out for me.

Something I read from the article in the SCCC file I've received from Mimi.

Isaiah 50:10-11
10 Who among you fears the LORD
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.

11 But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.

Extracted from the article:
Sometimes God simply wants you to step ahead in darkness by faith, relying on His faithful character. Darkness here isn't sin but simply a lack of knowledge.

Lord, could this be what you want me to do?

Lessons from NJB

2008-07-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

met up with njb today and spent sometime clarifying certain questions that i have in mind. as usual, it was a fruitful time of discussion and sharing.

This was something that he was sharing from the 40day Love Singapore devotional materials.

Luke4:31-32
31Then he went down to Capernaum, a town in Galilee, and on the Sabbath began to teach the people. 32They were amazed at his teaching, because his message had authority.

He said something that really made sense. He refered to luke4:16-21 and said, " Actually what Jesus did was just to read the scriptures (the OT) and these scriptures were already accesible by those people at that time."

So what was the difference Jesus and the teachers of the law and Pharisees when he taught the word of God?

The presence of God was upon Him for Jesus came from the Father and Father is in Him.It is the presence of God that made the people amazed.

NJB linked it to the fact that when one preach, its not the content or the delivering of the message that is important. What is important is the presence of the Lord upon the speaker/place/congregation. and NJB links the presence to the gift from God, that is the Holy Spirit.

To me, when the presence of God is poured out upon the place, it would be different from the bumpy car rides of the sprinkling presence.

Revising my lessons

2008-07-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

when i met charissa for movie + dinner today, i'm very reminded by what i learnt in petchabun.

1) all we need to do is to focus on God, and His very presence upon us will draw people to Him.

back in thailand, there was once, we were soaked in worship. everyone's hearts was desiring for God to pour out His presence and we were just praising and worsipping Him.. and then, came a little girl, who was attracted by the worship.. people who walked past kept peeking into the shophouse where we were worshipping God.

Sometimes, as humans, we really complicate stuff. all we need to do is to love God and desire to be in Him. Let God do the work of attracting people to Him, it was never within our capability anyway.

He is the one who stirs up the hearts of men.

He is the one who is the bread of life. John 6:35
35Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.

Only He can produce living waters. John 4:10-14
13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

Since when was it about us?

Since the day we decided to take the place in the throne of our hearts.

Since the day we think we can do a better job and mask it as serving Him when our hearts is wrong and all we wanted to do is to make Him do it our way.

Jesus is not only Saviour but also Lord.

2) don't let the chance of sharing the gospel slip by us. eternal seperation hurts more than temporal seperation.

During one of the children mass evangelistic outreach, our thailand team put up a skit. We didnt know that the children were confused and didnt get the gospel message. Luckily Eugene ( the ministry guy over there) saw the problem and he presented a simple presentation of the gospel in 5 minutes. I was really touched because my boys went forward. I felt so.. indescribable.

but what happens after the event came as a shock. Eugene gave us a good scolding. This was what he said " do you think seperating with the kids (our last event for them, which turn out as not the last because brought the little kids in during our retreat days and gave us an additional oppurtunity to reach out to them)is painful? Let me tell you what is more painful- that is eternal seperation. How can you let them walk away without telling them about Jesus?"

This stayed with me. It illustrates how important each child means to God. How each soul meant to God. When God leads, I must never shrink away in fear. Childlike courage.

3) soak everything in prayers.

prayer is a privilege. to talk to God. and it also sets our perspective and position right. When we commit to God in prayer, we know that He is the Almighty whereas we are in no position to change anything. We step down from the throne of our hearts and allow Him to take HIs rightful place. He is the one who moves mountains. It reminds us of our dependency on Him.

Just look at Jesus

2008-07-13T10:38:00.000-07:00

today was a time of grilling. tiring, mentally exhausting.

I knew i was greatly affected because I came home and hid under my blanket for 2.5hrs and slept.

I thank God for Junbin. Thank him for always teaching me nuggets of wisdom from God's words.

a great leader inspires the people around him/her to love God with the small choices he/she makes daily. -NJB

I thank God for placing me in FCBC, because since He put me here, there must be a reason for it. My gut feel is that it is a test of perserverance and a good training ground to stay focus on Jesus despite all the complexity that comes with a big organisation.

i wonder if it is me being too naive or actually, everything can be really simple.and i would like to stick with the latter.

In the conversation...
me: and then i cant help but compare.. times in petchabun. knowing that i am nothing yet i rejoice knowing that i am noting because I see all that God is doing. with all that i have which seems pretty much useless to me.and all i did was to jsut look at Him. is it that difficult to apply it over here?

JB:he's the same yesterday today forever everywhere.it's still the same as in khei noi, set the heart right, do it for Him, He will turn up

I thank God for placing a brother like him around me, to remind me of what is the MOST important thing. Jesus.

Matthew 22:36-40
36"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'[b] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c] 40All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Teach me daily God, to deny myself, pick up my cross and follow you.

Luke 9:23
23Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

Self-Consciousness

2008-07-06T23:29:00.000-07:00

6/7/08 Sunday service

During worship, 2 things that I heard from the Lord was..
1) why should i fast for the days to come ( pertaining to the Love Singapore 40day fast)
2) Isaiah 40: 28-31

During worship, I suddenly felt the need to pray for Thailand. For those who knows, I came back from the mission trip with a burden for Thailand. So, I was praying and praying and suddenly, the 40day fast came to my mind. FYI: I haven't been fasting for the past week because I knew that if I fast, I would just be going through the motion for God hasnt showed me what to fast for. So, I asked God " Am i to fast for the people in Thailand?" and He said " No, I want you to pray and fast for Singapore. I want you to pray for them like how you prayed for Thailand."

With such indication from the Lord, I realised that indeed, back in SIngapore, it is a tougher mission field. We are a generation that has been so blessed that we become an inward looking generation.I can hear the " I, me and myself" mantra going on and on.. Need to pray.

Secondly, as mentioned in the previous post, I am having swollen ankles. So as i stood there, I felt the pulsating feeling in my heels. It was then God gave me Isaiah 40:28-31

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

I was very comforted by this verse. Right now, everyone I meet is practically asking me " So where are you going?" and my answer was.. " I am still waiting and seeking God for directions." I was reminded to continue to place my hope in God and in all areas, He will make me soar on wings like eagles. I will run and not grow weary, I will walk and not be faint. Not only in my future but also my physical condition. I can still remember the pain so vividly.. but that pain that i experienced only brought me closer to God.

Whenever I felt better, I would praise Him for enabling me to walk with ease.
Whenever I am in pain, I thank Him that He is teaching me to trust Him.

Today, My ankles felt so much better! Overall my back nd my heels are getting better. Would still go get a referral letter to go SGH to have a checkup though. Issues of the backbone, no joke.

During Service, i learnt about self-consciousness. I immediately recognised that God took note of what happened to me throughout the week and I thank Him for the sermon as it has consolidated my experience for the week (look at the previous post)

Intimidation is not something that we are born with but something we have learnt. It is part of the fall of man. below are four effects that came with the fall.

Read genesis 2
1) Fear
2) Shame and guilt
3) Shifting of responsibility- causes bitterness and unforgiveness
4) Rejection

However, because of the cross, we can step out of the world of intimidation and step into the world that God has intended.

Jesus, take you for dying on the cross for me. I stand in awe on you.

Its not a matter of whether God answers, but when He answers, what would your response be?

2008-07-06T09:48:00.000-07:00

This week has been really interesting. Allow me to speak of the love of my life- Jesus.

I have been praying to God, to let me know that He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That He is the same God who spoke to me so clearly in Thailand and it is a lie that He cannot speak to me with that same clarity in Singapore.

Guess what?

He spoke.

To update all of you, Yvonne has a swollen heel ( ard the heel area). At first, it was on the right foot only. Now it has become both feet. I dont know what is happening though. So with that, I seriously needed to get a pair of good shoes that has no backing so that it will not rub against the swollen area.

So i went to this particular sport shop which was located at this underground place when you walk from Somerset to Dhoby Ghaut. The sales person was very nice and he assisted me to get a good pair of shoes with much patience. So as I was about to pay for it, He said " Are you a Christian?"

"yes I am. Why the sudden question?"

"oh, i realised that the Christians are generally very nice people."

And, Yvonne was really very happy to hear of a good reputation that Christians have in the eyes of unbeliever and also self-absorbed in being categorised as nice.He went on to share about his experience and that he did went to church a long time ago.. Any sane christin would realise that it is OPEN DOORS to share of God's love, isnt it? apprently yvonne totally missed it. She walked out of the shop feeling happy and all when suddenly,

" Yvonne, all that you are now, is how I have moulded you through the years. Now go and share of my love to that man."

stunned. i said sorry God, i'm such a goon not to realise that oppurtunity that you have created. hmm.. but go back and share of your love ah...

in yvonne's head this was what went through it
" Yvonne it must be your own voice la.. share God's love?"

and a reply came..
"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27

yvonne's reply
" but you know God im scared.. and the guy will probably think im trying to pick him up or something!

then a reply came..
" remember what Marvin shared? childlike courage Yvonne.."

Oh well, when its so clear, how can i give any more excuse? It was a thursday and I promised God i would go back the next day to tell him of God's love.

So the next day when i went back, I spent 1.5hrs in the christian bookstore, searching for something appropriate to buy. I was really feeling flustered, not knowing what to do. There and then, I was reminded of a takeaway from Petchabun, that is- its not the resources that matters, but God is the one who makes all things work. All i need to do is to follow God and be sincere. In the end i settled with a small booklet " What on earth am i here for?" by Rick Warren and bought a card.

I walked towards the shop and settled in a donut shop to write the card. I prayed and asked God to guide me inwhat to write. All in all it took me 3 hours, because I was trying to overcome self-consciousness. What made me took a step of faith was when I remembered of how Jesus came and died for me. If Jesus can go to that extent to show His love for me, what is this that it should hinder me?

The ending of this experience was that the man went out for dinner and so I passed it to his colleague instead and reminded his colleague to pass it to him.

Through this experience, I see again that God is a God who hears. It is how we respond when He speaks. I am so thankful that God is speaking and guiding me so intimately. I so happy dwelling in Jesus and walking with Him daily! I must never forget what He teaches me.. Holy Spirit please teach me daily to even remember the lessons that God has taught me just like how a father would teach his child.

More goodness to blog about! How meticulous God has been to me. It's about what He showed me during service. will blog again tomorrow!

Reflection of Petchabun Trip

2008-07-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

An abstract from my journal before the trip:

28th May 2008 Wednesday

5 days to Petchabun. I’m afraid to lose my focus on Jesus and that I would not be able to pull through the whole mission trip with the 100% that I desire to give unto Him. I better be alert, lest I forget why am I even on this mission trip- for Jesus. If I ever forget Lord, help me to remember that I desire you Lord and I want to know you more intimately than ever till I proclaim with full confidence that “Jesus, You are all I ever need!”

30th May 2008 Friday

3 days to Petchabun. All universities have officially rejected me! I seriously do know that it’s all in His wonderful hands. I suppose this period of my life is to train up aspects of me, which is lacking- faith. I really do not know what lies ahead of me, but my prayer is that I will not lose my focus on Jesus- My Savior and My Lord. Let your will be done.

2nd June 2008 Monday

FLEW TO PETCHABUN! This trip is an extraordinary one because it happens at the crossroads of my life. God may have shut doors for me but I know He has His reasons. So, now I need to seek His direction for my life, which is something BIG! I don’t want to lose the focus on you Lord. Lord, help me to be still to know you are God.

My Testimony

When I came back from the trip, people told me, “You seemed like a changed person”. Definitely. On top of that, God validated all that I knew about Him during the trip. It is a process of morphing the head knowledge that I have into heart knowledge. Mainly, I learnt 3 things from the trip: Apart from Him, we are truly nothing, Our God is a faithful God and there is power in the body of Christ. Below will be an account of how God showed me all of the above. Above all, I hope that this testimony of His goodness will encourage you to persevere on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus.

The reason why I went on this trip was because I heard about this particular ethnic group (Hmong) a few months back and began praying for them. I still remembered the day when I sat down on my bed praying for them with such intensity which I didn’t know why and started crying. I didn’t understand why I cried for people whom I have not met and I concluded that God’s hands are working through this piece of land. I yearned for a chance to see with my own eyes and true enough; God provided open doors for me. He is a God who hears.

Hence, I went up to Petchabun with an expectant heart. Although I did not know how God was going to move, but, I knew He would do it in His way. On the second day, the team went on a village orientation around Khek Noi. That was my first clear encounter with God during the trip. As we walked from the shop house area and into the village, it was like a journey from the “glamour to the ruins”. I felt the need to walk alone, which I did. As I was walking along the dusty road, suddenly I heard a voice in my head. “ What dry land!” Okay, I was quite cheesed up by the voice and in reply I do agree that it’s very dry (I meant it in the literal sense). I prayed and started opening up my eyes to look at what is around me. Dry mud, dry leaves, and huts. The whole place looks really run-down. I started to pray for the material poverty that I saw. As I was praying, the voice spoke again “ No, no. Not this poverty. They need the truth- the living water.” It was there and then that God started to open my eyes to the things unseen. I have lost my focus and God graciously drew me back into what was the most important thing at day two. I cannot imagine not being in focus and realizing it only at the end of the trip. This was the first step into everything; He realigned my purpose of being in that piece of land, that is, to testify to the gospel of God’s grace.

During the next day’s worship, I was brought down to my knees in all of His awesomeness. God spoke to me and this was what He said, “ Yvonne, can you produce the living water?” I crumbled, knowing that I am not capable of doing that- Only He alone can. The phrase that was stuck at the back of my head surfaced- “ It is never about me. It has always been about God.” At that point of time, I couldn’t fully understand why was He surfacing all these. However, on hindsight, I realized that these are the crucial keys to allow Him to use me.

These are some things that He told me during the worship sessions.

“ I have love you so much and so freely, now, go and love.”

“ You are ready, go ahead.”

One of the things that struck me hard was, despite knowing that some children that we came into contact with were previously glue-sniffers etc, it really did not occur to me that they were and I was surprised. I only remembered it when another team member brought it up. God has graciously allowed me to look through His eyes. Looking at the children like how God looks at them. A heart with that yearns for His children to come back to Him despite all that they have done. God gave me a live lesson on something that Mother Teresa said: “ If you take time to judge, you will have no time to love.”

Through these children, God also taught me that His love within me must overflow so much so that it would then naturally overflow into another person’s life. How can I pour out anything from my cup when I am not filled in the first place? He showed me that apart from all the serving, God is concerned about me. In fact the service for God should be a result of the fellowship with Him.He repeatedly assured me of His love throughout my life and also during the trip. He brought me through a flashback into my childhood that was stained with tears. He was there. The times when I fell again and again. He was there. When I’m forgotten, He is the one who remembers me. I am truly unworthy but He still chooses to love me. I’m loved beyond measure. John 3:16 just keeps coming back. Jesus died for you and me. The extent of His love; I don’t think I can ever comprehend it.

Knowing that He is such a wonderful God makes me want to tell all the people whom we have come into contact with that He loves them and He is waiting for them. All they need to do is to believe in Him. I felt the urgency to testify to the gospel of God’s grace.

Day 8: 9th June 2008

After many days of “pressing on” and “praying up”, I have a quiet confidence in my heart that God would come and pour out His presence upon us. I do not know when but He will definitely come because He told me He would. He told me that I would learn of His faithfulness and when He speaks, there is no qualms as to whether would He fulfill it or not - He is God, our Sovereign Lord. It was getting late into the night but we (the remaining of us who were awake) decided to gather and intercede. Deep within my spirit, I knew, this would be the moment. I prayed to God and asked Him to unclog all of our dirty taps that clutters Him out and prayed with all my heart for His presence to be with us.

Psalm 73: 25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

As we were praying/singing the last song “ Spirit Touch Your Church”, I felt an atmospheric change. Before that, the atmosphere was very intensified and heavy. I don’t know why, but while singing the song, suddenly the atmosphere took a 360-degree change. It became really light and there was a sweet assurance from the Lord. He gave me a word found in Acts 20:22 [Apparently, I happen to admire Paul’s passion for God and I thought the Lord wanted to bring me to Acts 20:24 but nope its Acts 20:22] "And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there.” He told me “ Yvonne, tomorrow is already the second last day. If I don’t reveal to you whether will I pour upon this place tomorrow, will you still continue to trust in me despite all the ambiguity?” In the stillness, I told Him, “ Yes Lord, I would.” Who else can I trust besides the Lord? Even my own heart is deceitful.

Day 9: 10th June 2008

The next morning as we gather to worship God, the Lord is faithful and He poured out on us! I knew He would come! He promised! He drew us together as one body of Christ, beating as one. We felt the urge as a team to go forth and bring His children in, anyone that we can lay our hands on or rather anyone that our eyes can see. In the midst of all the activities of re-roofing, re-visitation and preparation for the upcoming campfire, Eugene asked, “ Who will be sharing a testimony?” Seriously, I didn’t know why, but my hand shot up. I was kind of shock by myself. Is it because I have been sharing my testimony several times that my hand was set on autopilot mode?

Apparently God had it all planned out. I am a person who likes to be on the go, participating in existing activities. However, the Lord reminded me to stay put and pray. So while the rest went on batches to do the several activities that were being planned impromptu, I stayed back to pray. I asked of the Holy Spirit to teach me how to pray (Romans 8:26) and quoting from The Word, I told myself that I resolved to know nothing except Jesus Christ and him crucified (1 Corinthians 2:2). All I need to do was to fix my eyes upon Jesus and look into His wonderful face and the rest will flow. I cannot even recall what I prayed for the people, the team, the programme or anything. But I remembered a particular burden that the Lord placed upon my heart while I was praying, that is, the children (boys to be exact) who are into glue sniffing. Together with part of the team who stayed back and prayed, I told them about this burden and we prayed in a free-style mode.

I felt a prompting to be alone while I wrote down the testimony. So I went up the to 2nd floor of the shop house- “The Upper Room”. I sat down with my bible opened, and told God, “ This is your show Dad. Show me what do you want me to say about my life.” It is amazing how peaceful I was when I am still before the Lord. I looked up and saw the Cross in-between the doors of Ben and Eugene’s room. God gave it all. His one and only Son. This prompted me to tell the children out there that God loves them for who they are and what the world puts out, God puts in. What the world writes off, God picks up. I have never felt so in-sync with the Holy Spirit in my life. It is as if God Himself was monitoring over what I wrote in my drafts. After writing each draft, I would ask Him to tell me which are the areas that needed modification. He prompted me to shared about times when I seek other people/things to fill up the void in my heart and every attempt that I make, I would end up hurting myself. Truly, only Jesus can fill the void and heal my heart as shown throughout the years and through the brokenness that He had brought me through. When I did my final draft and committed it into His hands, God spoke to me. This was what He said, “ Yvonne, I am going to promise a harvest that is more than what you expected. And today, I am going to snatch these souls from the gates of hell.” When I heard it, I broke into uncontrollable sobs. It is a mixture of feelings- joy and sorrow. Seeing how each soul meant to the Lord, seeing His compassionate heart towards the forgotten, seeing what breaks His heart and rejoicing in the knowledge that I know that that when He speaks, He fulfills. I stand in awe of Him.

Throughout the campfire night, I felt a great burden in my heart. When the time came for the testimony to be shared, I committed everything into the hands of God and spoke forth whatever He impressed upon my heart. God gave me a very unique clincher, that is to called out specific groups of children, one-by-one, to accept Jesus and to be prayed over. Although I didn’t really executed it very well, but I believe God has worked it out in His own ways. I did not know why, but I realized that I called out for the glue-sniffing kids twice or more. I was prompted by the Holy Spirit to repeat this call. Marvin later shared that he felt led to go over to this group of boys who were just passing by and amongst them, a boy received Christ there and then. According to Marvin, the stench of glue was on the boy. God is indeed moving mightily! He sees what we cannot see and every child is so precious in His eyes. When the children came forth to receive Christ, something within me broke. Snapped. For that moment, I had the privilege of seeing through His eyes, His compassion for His children there. Basically, I really didn’t do anything. I just flowed along as He leads. As I opened my eyes after crying, I saw a boy squatting there. He did not come forward to receive Jesus. I felt prompted to pray for him, so I went to him and squatted beside him. I prayed in English and with the really pathetic Thai that I know, I asked him if he wanted to know Jesus. The moment when I saw him nodded his head was priceless and indescribable. It must be God. Only He transcends language and all barriers. We went forth to pray the sinner’s prayer and as I placed my hands upon him, I broke into tears again. I was surprised to see him crying too. I believe at that moment, God touched that little boy deep within his heart. There are just too many situations and things to thank God for! Each one of us in the team has so much to tell. Indeed His goodness, no one can recount!

Psalm 40:5
5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

In retrospect, I have nothing but praises for God on my lips. He has given us more than we asked for and what a privilege it is to partner with Him! He told me that whatever I have learnt from this trip is to be held close to my heart throughout the rest of my life and that I am to apply it throughout my time on earth. I came back to Singapore with a burden for the people there. I don’t know how God is going to lead me but all I know is to continue to trust and obey Him. Through this trip, I saw how much God loves me and I simply couldn’t walk away without surrendering my whole life to Him. My desire is that I would dwell in His presence every second of my life and to delight in Him. The mission trip doesn’t end when the trip ends. The mission trip starts when the trip ends. I know that THERE MUST BE MORE, simply because He is the I AM.